I'm literally only here because when I was in third grade I wanted to be a stand up comedian, and running a blog is just like that except without the terrifying fear of being laughed off the stage (and not in a good way!)
Small talk is fucking weird. Overall I think the weirdest part is how much absolutely no one cares. 'How was your weekend?' like you give a shit Susan. You're waiting until we're past the polite chatting to talk about your fancy new potholders with the pretty trim and flaunt the fact that your amazingly intelligent little boy has finally gotten himself potty trained two years behind the rest of his class. I think a lot of people hate small talk because they're selfish. They don't care about you, they don't care about your weekend, they don't care about your dog, they're just assholes going through the motions so they can talk about them and their weekend and their dog. And it's not a problem. Everyone knows that small talk is just there so you don't make yourself look like an asshole in public. It's a big old masquerade and no one is interested in seeing below the mask. It's weird, but it's what everyone does. Or it's just ...
Okay so. I don't like painting my nails very often. I also don't like mushrooms. Now, you may be wondering what these two things have in common, and the answer to that is one of my few childhood memories It was the day before Mother's Day. To celebrate, (because my family was Christian and celebrated the day before and went to church the day of) my mom bought pizza and helped me paint my nails with some cheapy nail polish she found. This was when I was little and nail polish was a Big Deal™, so I was very excited. But also very small. And very very susceptible to sticking things that smelled like strawberries into my mouth. Though, to defend younger me's eating of the special Mother's Day nail polish, I have always had a bad habit of chewing on my nails. So it's not like I only consumed it because it smelled good, I also didn't realize that biting your nails isn't the best idea when wearing nail polish until I had almost no nail polish left on my hands. ...
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